Ready.

Spring break has come to a close, and I am really dreading going to school tomorrow.  Ironically though, I spent a great deal of my break thinking of school exclusively.  This may sound boring or even depressing, but it was just the opposite. It was thrilling.  This is because that portion of my break was spent looking at colleges.  For me, that is incredibly exciting.  I am one hundred percent ready for that part of my life, minus a few high school credits.  

It is not that I hate high school or anything like that.  In fact, I have really enjoyed high school.  I like my school, and I love my friends.  I just, well, this is quite difficult to phrase.  I feel like I am on some kind of biological timer, and it is quite rapidly approaching the time when I am supposed to leave what I know, and go do my own thing.  I can feel it.  My own life is about to erupt out of me.  I love my home and the people in it, but I can't stay here forever.

This last year I have I am going to make the most of, but I feel certain that I will be rather antsy all year.  I am incredibly indecisive, so chances are I will not know where it is I will be starting this new chapter of my life called "college" until this time next year, but dear Lord am I ready.  I am not wishing my life away, and I am not hoping the year will speed up.  I have simply come to realize that if I were to wake up tomorrow and it magically be graduation day, it would be bittersweet, but I would be ready to embrace life. 

Impatient.

Prom has passed, Gala is out of the way, And Spring Break has now officially begun.  We are a pretty good ways into the fourth quarter of the year. Everyone has spring fever, and many of my friends have bad cases of senioritis.  

Part of having many friends with senioritis is having may friends who are seniors.  Part of having many friends who are seniors, is having many friends who will soon be graduating and leaving.  Since I am still a junior, I have another year left here in Florence, while many of my close friends get to go out and try their own thing.  I admit that I am quite jealous, and very impatient.  I know that I should value and cherish the time I have left in high school, but it is difficult when some of the people are part of my fondest high school memories will no longer be around to create more on a day to day basis.  I'm going to be fine, but I'm going to miss them a lot. I've come to accept that next year will be very different, but I really hope that my senior year will be as much fun as my friends in the class of '09, and I fully expect it to be.

Just Thinking...

Okay, so I really have not blogged in forever.  I was on a streak for a while where I had so much to say, but lately I haven't felt like I had a whole lot to share. I do have one thought for tonight though.

Sometimes, you are presented with an opportunity that you never expected.  You may or may not know in what direction your life will go if you pursue this opportunity, but I think you have to go with your gut.  People you are close to may advise you to stay away, and they may be right.  But I honestly believe if your gut is telling you to go for it and see what happens, then that is what you should do. As long as it is healthy, of course.  Obviously if your gut is telling you to do drugs and your friends warn you against it, then they are telling you the right thing and you should listen to them.  But, in general, I think it's a little bit like taking a multiple choice test.  You are always told when that when wavering between two answers, you should go with your first gut response. I most certainly have missed questions by over analyzing questions and changing my answer at the last second. So, even if the opportunity you pursue turns out negatively, I'm willing to bet that you learned something from it, and are probably a better person for it.  That's all. =]

The Rhythm of LIfe

I haven't written in a while, and I don't really have a lot to say tonight.

I'm just gonna go with I do not understand timing at all.  You might want something so badly for so long, and as soon as you give up on it, there it is. So inconvenient.  But, we learn to take everything in stride, and keep living life to the beat of it's peculiar rhythm.  It has no steady tempo. Sometimes it seems to have stopped altogether, and sometimes it seems impossible that it could change so fast.  It may seem to be following one pattern for a while, and then have an unexpected change.  As if some new time signature that we cannot recognize has been thrown in. But we keep marching along to the beat, as if we had a choice.  The only choice we have, is are we just simply going to march to they beat, or dance to the rhythm? 

Can't Sleep.

I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this one. Possibly and probably nowhere.  Reading this is more than likely a waste of your life. But I can't sleep, so I'm going to blog a little.

I have been sick all week. Nothing has changed there.  The two most constant symptoms are dizziness and sore throat. Everything else comes and goes.  A lot of people seem to be getting sick lately.  

So I've been lying on the couch a lot, too drained to really do anything.  I know, that sounds really pitiful.  I did discover about sixty episodes of Boy Meets World on YouTube today though, so that really made me happy. Wow, that is pathetic.

I really need to be sleeping now, but I can't.  I've had those thoughts people always get right before they go to bed.  Those thoughts we rarely talk about, the concerns about our friends, family, futures, people we don't want to forget, people who we feel have forgotten us, people we are afraid we've lost.  (I haven't been thinking about all of those tonight alone, just giving the general type of thought here.)  Then there's the crazy and illogical thoughts we get when we are really sleepy that make absolutely no sense.  Both types of thoughts have invaded my mind tonight, but I still can't sleep.  

I really hate being sick.

Oh, and my sister, Anna, is the funniest person on the planet. I adore her.

Up On The Mountain

This weekend was the long awaited, highly anticipated, Wyldlife trip to Windy Gap.  We all had a great time, and the camp is so beautiful.  I really felt like I was doing what God wanted me to.  I haven't felt that much within God's will in a long time.  I started feeling poorly though Saturday morning.  I assumed that my throat ache was just from screaming, and that my soreness had just come from the long bus ride. However, after waking up from a three hour nap on Karoline's bed, during which I could not stay warm for anything (again, I just assumed I was cold because of the mountains,) she felt my neck and said, "Girl you are sick." When I stood up I felt very dizzy and still very cold.  I went to the infirmary with Karoline and the nurse took my temperature, which registered at 102.  The nurse said we had to add a degree to that making it 103. Just lovely.

I was told it was best if I went home.  As much as I really hated to leave my girls and all the other leaders, I knew that was what I needed to do.  Fortunately for me, there was a seventh grader named Mills from Columbia who had the same symptoms, whose parents were already on their way, and they agreed to let me ride to Columbia with them and for my parents to meet us there.  This was such a blessing because it got me home about five hours earlier than if my parents had left when I called them at 4:30.  So, that was really a blessing from God.  Of course I hate that Mills was sick, but it was a blessing for me that the Carlton's were coming to get him.  They could not have been nicer people.

Despite all that, the time I did spend at Windy Gap was really incredible.  Like I said, I felt entirely within God's will.  I think it is no coincidence that we call things like that "Mountain Top Experiences."  I honestly think there is something about the mountains that helps bring us back to God.  Something about seeing the mighty things he can do.  The last time I felt that way I was in the mountains of Mandeville, Jamaica for a mission trip.  My youth minister had us right letters to ourselves at the end of the trip.  In mine I remember writing, "Though he may seem closer and bigger now, God is the same God he was before I got here to the mountains of Jamaica.  He has always been this big, and he will not be any smaller after I get home." 

I think it is sometimes harder to see how big he is at home.  It is our job to bring the "mountain top experience" home with us.  And even though they do not last forever, it is our job to remember how big God is all the time.

Good Days & Great Music =]

I don't really have much to blog about tonight, I just wanted to make a note that I am in a really good mood today.  It has just been one of those days that everything feels right and seems to be going my way.  On a scale of 1 to 10 I'd rate it as a 9. 

I also wanted to suggest that everyone check out Drake & Jonathan's, aka "Without Answer's" music page on Facebook. Also, if you still haven't listened to their newly recorded CD "Be The Change", you should really look into getting a copy.  I would listen to it even if I didn't know and love these guys.  They have God-Given talent and if you like acoustic stuff, you will really enjoy their CD.  "Caronline's Song," "Like A Wave," "That's Not It," and of course "Be The Change," are some of my favorites.  But really, the whole CD is great. So I dare you, check out the music on Facebook, and look into getting a CD.  If you would like a CD, please consider making a small donation to the "Drake & Jonathan Need To Go Back Into The Studio To Record Super Amazing New Music Fund." Of which, I am the new self-proclaimed spokesperson.  Thanks so much!

Check out Drake & Jonathan @ : http://www.facebook.com/pages/without-answer/91264210214