Consuming.

It has been one of those nights.  One of those nights that seems completely normal, and then something just hits you.  It isn't always clear what it is that hits you, but you can feel the difference.  After leaving my Wyldlife leader meeting for this week at The Church at Sandhurst, I spoke briefly with a friend, exchanging stories about our more gullible moments, got into my car, turned on my ipod, and drove off.  

The song I selected was one of my favorites, "From The Inside Out" by Hillsong.  It has really become a classic worship song in the past year, and it never fails to put me in a worshipful state of mind.  Tonight was no exception.  I was having an awesome worship service right there in my car.  It was just me and God, and it was incredible.  Today I had been thinking a lot about what I where I want to go to college, what I want to do, where I need to be in the long run...all things that I really have no need to worry over right now.  It just hit me on the way home while I was singing at the top of my lungs (and probably looking like an idiot to all those who saw me), that the future is not what needs to be my focus right now.  I just need to focus on living for and loving God from the inside out, and he will work out all the details as long as I stay within his will. The song also reminded me of my trip to Jamaica last summer, and set me off praying for the children there who I worked with.  I want to see God as I did there.  Lately I've had difficulty staying focussed on this, causing me to make huge mistakes.  I'm turning it over.  I want to be consumed like I was before.

The next song I listened to was another of my old favorites, "How Can I Keep From Singing," by Chris Tomlin.  That one has really always been my anthem.  I really can never stop singing, and when I stop and think about how truly amazing God is, I'm either speechless, teary, or begin sing uncontrollably.  Tonight was definitely the singing uncontrollably.  My father is so awesome.  I hope that I do not seem like a hypocrite, because I'm sure that some who read this could find so many flaws in my life to point out, and say that there is no way all of this really matters to me.  It does, I'm only human though.  I'm only a human who just had an unbelievable experience with her Father, and is praying to be consumed once more.