Oh Christmas Time...

After a much needed Thanksgiving break, my classmates and I have caught Christmas fever. Combine that with our already chronic cases of senioritis, and our teachers can kiss the concept of us learning anything at all before January goodbye. 

We just had the long awaited Christmas Tri-Hi-Dance this past weekend.  A few of my closest friends took pictures at my house before, then we ate in a giant white tent and my dear friend Sarah's house (48 of us, to be exact).  We then went to the dance, and roughly 24 of us spent the night at my friend Lindsay's house afterward. Couples may have been a tad bit confusing leading up to it, but all worked out well and a grand time was had by all. Well, at least all I spoke with. 

Today being the Monday after this weekend of non stop excitement, we all were on a little bit of a buzz kill and feeling very tired. However, there is only a week and a half left before break, less than that for those of us whose hard work will pay off in exam exemption, so I predict the excitement shall pick up again soon! 

Attempting to Catch Up

I am really failing miserably lately at blogging.

The goal of this blog was determined to be telling the tale of the class of 2010.  Right. 

Our football season went out with a bang. A bang to the head that is. We got killed, all the way through. We won one single game all season. But, I really think my class wins the award for the most school spirit. We were still out their cheering for our Knights, rain or shine, hot or cold (and that last game, it was cold). 

A few people have heard back from colleges...not I. But, are the rest of us sweating it? Certainly not. We have much bigger tasks at hand, such as preparing for Tri-Hi-Y, the winter formal hosted by the Tri-Hi-Y girls service club, of which I am chaplain. I am basically leaving the heavy duty planning to my friends. I have my dress, and my date, so I am set. :)

Oh, and I got a job.  Handpicked just opened a store in Florence, so I of course applied for a job instantaneously.  I start work on Wednesday and I am crazy excited. 

Oh, and I got a 93 on my last Calculus test. Look who's smart now!

pointless.

Between school, football, weekend trips to Clemson, and all the craziness that goes along with the fall of your senior year, I have not found time to blog much in the past month.  Sorry! But really, you haven't missed much. Well, at least not much that I could post that would be interesting.

I am currently enjoying one of the most exciting senior perks: midterm exemption.  I am not taking a single exam, so I will not be going to school much over the next few days. I'm really loving this senior thing right about now.

That's really all I have tonight. This was a pretty pointless post, I'll admit. I just felt as if I should post something, since it has been almost a month since I have written anything. 

Night. :)

What Would The Ancients Think?

Somewhere along the way, I think we got off track in our education system.  Somewhere along the way we stopped caring about how much we learn in a class and began worrying only about what grade we earn.  I realize that grades are intended to be a reflection of how much you have learned, but our execution of this is askew.  I, myself, have been guilty of merely regurgitating information for a test or quiz multiple times without thinking anything of it.  We tend to think, "I don't like this subject. I'm never going to use it again. Who cares?" Whatever happened to being an all around well educated person, a positive contribution to society.  I see now that many of the classes that I received a lower grade in are the ones that struggled in the most, therefore I worked harder.  Because I worked harder, I retained more information.  I am not saying that we should strive to make lower grades, but I am saying that we should challenge ourselves more.  I think our educational system would be much more effective if students received slightly lower grades because they were being challenged more. If we were required to take the hardest course we were capable of taking, we would all have lower GPAs, sure, but we would be much more educated human beings.  I am not saying that making good grades is a bad thing.  I am merely proposing the idea that perhaps it has been made all that is important to students.

 Many students, myself included, never studied a day in their life before 11th grade, or 12th grade, or college even.  This is because we were never challenged in their younger years.  Because we were never challenged in our younger years, we made 100s without trying.  We learned nothing, yet were rewarded for scholarship.  This is where our idea of grades mattering more than content came from.  I cannot help but wonder what the ancient scholars, such as Aristotle or Socrates would think of our number obsession, and our apathetic view of actually retaining some knowledge. But, this all in the name of academia, of course, so that we can achieve a higher score on a test, so that we will not be requited to take an exam, so that said exam would not hurt our precious averages and prevent us from getting accepted to some prestigious institution of higher learning, where we plan to do that thing of which we have forgotten the importance...oh what's it called...learn?

Brief Synopsis

I haven't blogged in a few weeks, so let me give brief synopsis of what has been going on lately.

Over labor day weekend I went to England with my Dad. Yes, I went to England for the weekend. Let the heckling begin. This past weekend I went to Pioneer Plunge with my fellow Wyldlife leaders, Young Life leaders, and a couple of Young Life kids. It was a good time. Other than that, we Knights have just been living our lives of football games, chest painting, oh, and that other part of senior year called "school." Me personally, well, I've been babysitting a lot.  I really feel as if childcare has become a full time occupation for me.  I babysit at least once a week sometimes twice, and I drive kids all over Florence everyday.  It's okay though, because in the words of one of the Freshmen I drive around, "I love my kids."

Oh, and I finished reading The Time Traveler's Wife. It was possibly the best book I have ever read.

No One's Gonna Rain On Our Parade

I woke up Friday morning and put on a black t-shirt with a big blue neon lowercase letter "a" on the front of it. On the back, the shirt read "High Wattage" and had a light bulb drawn beneath that.  My friends and I had spent the week making this shirt and fifty-seven other similar ones, all with different neon letters on the front, and different nick names on the back.  They were made for our pep rally line up, and together, 58 people strong, we spelled out "Taylor Elmore, you will always be in the senior's hearts." My class agreed to spell this out to honor our late classmate.  It made those of us who knew him feel that in someway he was with us for that first pep rally of senior year. This is one of the many reasons I love my class.

   We screamed and jumped around like children who had consumed far too much sugar. I am quite confident that one of the things I am going to miss most about West Florence is dancing to the traditional band songs.  They become a part of you, and never fail to get us fired up. How they managed to get us back to class amazes me.

   That night my classmates and I headed out to the stadium to tail gate.  It had been raining all afternoon, and we were really hoping it would stop. The girls all had on button-ups and ties, as is tradition for the West Florence seniors at the first football game of the season. We were gathered around, painting the guys chests, (they were going to spell out "One Knight Stand;" our mascot is the Knights) and it continued to rain.  Not only did it continue to rain, it began to pour.  

   We were soaked down to the skin.  But, none of us left.  We went into the game, and claimed the student section as always.  We danced and cheered and prayed for our Knights. We were playing our rivals, the South Florence Bruins, whom we had beaten every year for the past eight years.  This year broke that tradition.  The Bruins beat us 47-7.  So there we were, the boys with paint running all over them, the girls in neck ties and button ups, soaked all the way through, losing miserably to our rivals for the first time in eight years, we all claimed to be miserable, yet, we were all having a blast.  It is a memory I know we will all keep with us for years.

    After the game, several of us went to Waffle House.  I was talking to one of the guys who had painted up for the game, and he said, "Ya know, I hope every game is like that one." I replied "You mean us being annihilated while soaking wet?" He laughed a little and said, "No, I mean I hope we get that crazy and have that much fun at all of the games."  If my school has one thing, it's spirit.  Even though we were losing, we had at least twice as many fans as South Florence.  That is one of the main reasons I love my Knights, and I love my class. Seniors 2010, the perfect ten, that is.

               

If It's Any Indication...

I do not even know where to begin.  The first week a senior year was definitely a success.  From catching up with friends, to late lunches after early dismissal, everything just seems to be falling into place.  As cliche' as it sounds, my class feels like a family to me this year.  

We had a meeting at Groucho's Wednesday to discuss the t-shirt line for the pep rally.  Now, I cannot say what we are spelling out. We agreed to keep it a surprise. However, I will say that I am extremely excited about it. I really love my class right now. 

Today we all went to Janie's to paint shirts for the pep rally. We spent hours on them, but we are almost done now.  Tonight we went to hear our friend Drake play at Aroma Underground Coffee Shop. Then we all just hung out at Janie's and chatted like the old friends we are.  

If this weekend was any indication of how this year is going to go, then I'm definitely on board.

Day One.

First day of senior year=Fabulous.  I love being a senior. It is really neat to be the oldest, and getting out at two feels wonderful.  

Adele was at my house at eight, and we went to pick up Ben and Charlotte.  I pulled into the parking lot, and parked in my spot which is incredibly close to the building.  I got out and took pictures with my friends, and then we walked over to chat with some of our other classmates.  The day flew by, and I have great people in all of my classes.  

My class is already planning pep rally shirts for next Friday's game against our rival school.  Now, I'm not going to say what we are planning, but I can say that they will be the coolest pep rally shirts my class has ever done, and possibly the coolest ones any class has ever done.  This year is going to be the best; and I can hardly wait to see what all happens.

Movie Reviews & Summer's End.

Whoever you are, you need to go see The Time Traveler's Wife.  It was a phenomenal picture.  Rachel McAdams is brilliant and beautiful, and Eric Bana isn't too bad either. (Understatement, his role of Henry may be the most attractive character I've ever encountered, minus the constant disappearances.)  This film makes you laugh, brings tears, makes you want to fall in love, holds your attention, keeps you thinking, and shows the importance of cherishing your time with people.  I went to see it because some friends suggested it, and it blew me away. Time Traveler's Wife definitely surpasses expectations, and then some.

(As a side note, I have decided that any current pop culture is completely relevant to 2010's senior year; including movies, TV, songs, concerts, trivia, news, etc.)

On a less exciting (while at the same time extremely exciting) note, tomorrow is the first day of school.  Our last first day, well at least of high school.  It is both ordinary and unique; familiar, and strange.  Hold on tight, ready or not, we're about to start the year we've waiting for and our parents have been dreading since kindergarten. 

In order for tomorrow to go as smoothly as possible, I am going relax on this, my last day of summer.  As soon as I finish this and press the orange "PUBLISH POST" button, I am going to take a nap, go to the gym, and then go sit with my beloved LK at her church's annual Youth vs. Adults softball game.  It's a wonderful life. =)

Three.

I currently want to see three movies:

500 Days of Summer

The Ugly Truth

The Time Travelers Wife

Most of my friends have already seen The Ugly Truth, and my sister cannot get into an R rated movie. No one else seems to have heard of 500 Days of Summer.  I'm seeing The Time Traveler's Wife with some of my girlfriends tomorrow. I'll have to work the other two in sometime. 

Dinner & A Scavenger Hunt

Today was all planned out.  Lauren, Caroline, Lindsay, and I were going to drive down to Garden City for one las girls day before we officially start senior year.  We planned this about a week ago.  Unfortunately, today was rather cloudy, rainy, and stormy, so we had to change our plans.  Instead, we went to lunch at Groucho's, watched 17 again, and did what my friends do best: bake.  Today we baked cookies, and we bought cream cheese icing (in a can) and sprinkles to decorate. It was delicious. My baby sister Anna (age 16, yes that is only one year younger than me), got her wisdom teeth out this morning, so we tried to stay quiet for her. She feels awful.

Tonight I participated in a scavenger hunt to welcome my dear friend Kristen Lawson's new friend Cory Wasson to town, at least for a few hours.  My involvement in the scavenger hunt was waiting at West Florence with signs saying "Welcome" and "Go Wildcats," and an ipod set to a High School Musical song.  Sound crazy? Well, it's Kristen.  Cory came into town tonight to ride to Lee University in Tennessee with Kristen.  This sort of breaks my heart.  Kristen is someone that I can confide in whatever the situation.  We are incredibly similar.  I really hate that she is leaving for college.  

Before helping Kristen with her scavenger hunt, I went to dinner with Nes, Adele, Dad, Caroline, and Nes & Adele's parents, to celebrate Nes leaving for Clemson tomorrow.  This also really upsets me.  The Arnettes are very close family friends of ours.  Adele is transferring to my school, so I will be seeing her even more this year, but I will be seeing Nes next to none.  That is going to be really strange, because I am used to both of them crashing at our house on the weekends.

The final girls day of the summer, saying goodbye to Kristen, and celebrating Nes going off to college all reminds me that my last year in Florence is approaching.  It is exciting and scary.  And annoying.  I really do not want to start school just yet.

2010.

I noticed that I actually do have a reader or two; that always make me feel good. I went back actually read some comments from months ago that I had never seen, and they really made me smile. Thanks y'all. =)

If you are a reader of mine, maybe you noticed the new blog description "The Senior Year Chronicles." I am going to be blogging about the events of the Senior Year of the Class of 2010. Not exclusively my own high school's graduating class, but mostly us, considering that is what I know the most about. This may include my own personal life of college apps, youth trips, and Apples to Apples games, or it may include any major events in the news that happen this school year. It could be about my high school's football team (Go Knights!), or a discussion one of my classes had. Anything that I learn this year whether it be academic or otherwise may be woven in. Basically, everything that happens that effects my class's senior year in any way, shape, or form is fair game. If I do write an entry that is primarily concerning my personal experiences, I will try to tie in how I have learned from it, in order to make it relevant to "moving on" which will probably be the predominant theme of this blog over the next few months, though it may just be me needing to vent, which admitedly is what this online journal has been many times. Basically this new theme changes nothing, however, it will give me slightly more of an incintive to write. So here it goes, the story of The Class of 2010's senior year, narrated by one of it's members, so of course slightly focused on her. How narcisistic.

I promise I will attempt to focus on people and things other than myself. Ultimately, this blog should point to Christ, and how he is working throughout our senior year. Let's get started. =)

I blogged yesterday before making this decision about the tragedy that occured right on the brink of our senior year; We will always love you Taylor.

Today's story is not very long; it is simply to say that I have completed two college applications: Clemson & Wofford. I am basically finished with my Elon app as well. I just need to press submit. I have not even thought about tackling the common application yet, which unfortunately is mandatory to apply to Furman. But, considering that the school has not even started yet, I am definitely ahead of schedule.

Oh, and after watching "Julie & Julia" I have been inspired to learn to cook. So, every now and then I may throw in a random recipe if I like it, IF the cooking thing goes well.

J'ai taime!

Emmy =)

Finally.

I haven't blogged all summer. Wow.  This is partially because I have been gone a great deal, but partially because I have been lazy. I haven't had a whole lot to say.  Somehow, I don't think anyone has taken offense.

Now I do have something to say. I have put off writing about this for a while, but now I'm just going to dive into it.  I think it will be good for me to get this all out there. So here goes.

I spent the entire month of July at Camp Greystone.  It was a phenomenal experience.  I lived in the camp bubble where I was constantly reminded of Christ's love for me, and grew closer to God than I had in a while.  Nothing could go wrong.  Life was perfect.  I knew that I would go into a reality shock when I got home, but I never in my wildest dreams expected anything too severe. 

Boy was I wrong.  Two days after arriving home, I was getting ready for a friend's wedding with my family.  Two family friends, Nes and Adele Arnette, were just crashing at our house waiting to go to a movie as my family and I rushed about getting ready to leave.  Just as I was sitting down in my new steel grey dress to put on my heels, ready to walk out the door, Adele looked up from my MacBook where she was on Facebook and asked if I knew Taylor Elmore.  I said, "Yeah. He goes to West Florence and is in my grade. We have had a class together every semester except one.  He runs cross country and is really nice."  She looked back at me and said, "Well, he just died."

My jaw dropped and I went into a brief state of shock.  I just stared down at Nes and Adele.  I was utterly confused.  I really hate that I found out about this via facebook. Technology is so cold.  After about thirty seconds of confusion, I began to bawl.  I could not fathom what could possibly take my sweet, smart, classmate Taylor from us then, two days before senior registration.  I scrambled around for my phone and pressed number five on speed dial, one of my best friends Shannon Weill.  

I asked Shannon if it was true.  She cried on the other end of the line that it was true, and told me Taylor had been in a car accident earlier that day.  His new friend, who had become a very close friend very quickly so I'm told, Hali Roberson, had been with him in the car and was in Charleston in critical condition. (Hali has been recovering remarkably. Praise God.)  I sat down and just cried.  I did not go to the wedding. I hung with Nes and Adele all night, who have an uncanny ability to get my mind off of things. I called another close friend, Lindsay Miranda who was in Georgia with family, and told her what happened.  I hated the facebook statuses.  I wanted them to go away.  I know everyone meant well. But I could not look at them.  

I have never been through such a huge shock in just a few days.  I went from heaven on earth to a living hell in less than three days.  All I could think about was how much worse it was for Shannon and Beau who were so much closer to Taylor than I was, and I loved him a lot so that is saying something.  Not to mention his family.  I pray that God will keep his hands on Taylor's older brother Brian as he starts classes at Clemson this semester.  

Senior registration felt strangely empty to me.  There was so much that went unsaid.  I suppose we all just wanted to pretend everything was normal. We all new that Taylor's visitation was that night. We just did not mention it.  I have never seen that many of my classmates together without anyone cracking a smile.  I stayed at the visitation much longer than I normally would have in order to support Shannon, and pay my respects to the Elmore family, and to Taylor.  Seeing the body was strangely comforting.  As I saw him, I realized that he was not there.  It was not Taylor.  He certainly was not in the casket.  He is with God. 

The funeral was tragic.  I did not think I could cry anymore.  False.  I cried so much more.  Taylor, you will never be forgotten.  Your contagious smile, as your brother put it, will be in our hearts always.  I heard someone describe you as a quiet kid at first, with an undeniable wit.  That sounded pretty accurate.  You were always fun to discuss political issues with, because we always had the exact same opinion.  You made fun of me in Precal, and I made fun of you.  We compared grades in Coach Smith's class, even though I was taking U.S. History and you were taking European History.  I loved competing with you on grades in Mrs. Jordan and Mrs. Robbins' classes, and I love how we both just gave up competing in Precal because we were both so far from the top.  You were such a good, funny, sweet, smart, talented kid, and that has not been forgotten. 

I have no profound statement to make after going through all this.  All I have to say is that I have wrestled with understanding God's timing for the past year.  I have accepted that I never will understand it, but I still wrestle with it.  I am trying to trust that God's plan is so much bigger than I can fathom.  I am so thankful for God's love for us.  Because of his love, I know that you are in a wonderful place right now.  The only pain I should be feeling is for those of us here.  There is no pain to be felt for you, because you are in a place where there is no more pain.  To us, it seems so tragic that you were taken from this earth days before your senior year began, right on the brink of making college plans and filling out applications. For you, the timing is irrelevant.  You are with God, and while I am sure you miss us, you are somehow not saddened by the separation.  I cannot understand that either, but I do not have to, nor do I deserve to.  We often think we deserve explanations, and we really don't deserve anything, let alone the ultimate gift the Father has given us of His Son.  Why should I deserve an explanation, when I have been given this amazing gift of the knowledge that though you are not with me, you are in no pain, and never will be again? Is that not a big enough gift in and of itself?

We love you, Taylor Elmore.  I am not going to say to rest in peace, because you are not resting.  You are worshiping God in some way or another.  Probably running.  That's what you did best, so I am sure you are now doing it for His glory. So keep running the race Taylor, until we all join you one day. 

Not My Time.

Tomorrow, a few of my closest friends will graduate. Yet, I have nothing profound to say.  Why should I really expect to?  After all, it is not me that is about to start the next chapter in my life, it is them.  They will walk across the stage and receive their diplomas, while I will merely perform my marshall duties and sing the alma mater. I've got one more year here; I've got one more year to make the very most of my high school experience. This is not a time I will get back, but it is also not a time that defines me in any way.  I have not reached my peak, and I know I will continue to grow.  

All that said, it is clear that tomorrow is not about me.  It is about those wonderful friends I have made over the years.  It is crazy to think that the next time I walk down the West Florence Halls, it will be as a senior.  No one on campus will be older than me, and that is a scary thought.  I do not know why it is at this point in our lives we tend to analyze little things like that so much, and I wonder if that will ever change.  Back to the point, there are certain people who are graduating tomorrow whose absence will be more noticeable than others. Some people who just seem to be ever present in my home, my car, my weekend plans, just my life in general no longer will be around to make me laugh or keep me entertained.  They will not be there to meet me at Coldstone, or joke about the goings on in our quite often over-dramatized lives..  I know they are not dying or moving to the end of the earth, but our relationships will certainly change. I offer them my best wishes, and my fondest memories.  I find comfort in the fact that the ones I know I will miss the most, are also the ones whom I am certain to keep in touch with. 

Genius?

"Everyone is a genius, but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."

-Albert Einstein. 

I've heard that Einstein was a pretty bright guy.  This quote just makes so much sense to me.  Some people are extremely gifted in science and mathematics, and we tend to dub them "brilliant," which in their field, they certainly are.  Some people write beautiful poetry, or vividly entertaining novels.  We like to call them geniuses as well.  Some people have amazing memories, and a knack for remembering the right fact at the right time.  Some people can see a picture in their head, and make it appear on their canvas.  We call them talented.  Some people can compose songs that have the power to control emotion.  We call them "musical geniuses."  

But how about those people whose talent doesn't really fall into any of those categories we label as genius? What about those who are extraordinary athletes who just seem to have an instinct in their sport?  What about dancers who know exactly how to hold their arms, or actors who know precisely how to convey an emotion?  What about directors who envision a play, or the choreographer who told the dancer what steps to perform? Or those who have singing voices which seem to intoxicate others? What about those who prepare gourmet food, or even just a delicious home cooked meal?  Or those whose gardens are always beautiful, because they just have a knack for making things grow? What about that person you always run to when you have car trouble,  or the guy who fixes your computer? How about people who can capture a moment perfectly on film? Or the teacher who knows how to make the most complicated concepts simple for his or her students? What about those whose home, desk, notebook, filing cabinet, etc., is always unrealistically organized? ( a task that I am certain I will never be able to accomplish. )

And what about those people whose special talent has no tangible evidence?  What about those who always make the a witty comment at the exact second that it is downright hilarious? What about those people that always know what advice to give a friend, or even a stranger, in a tough situation?  What about those who have an instinct for knowing when it is better to just listen?  And there is no denying that some people find it easier to forgive people, and that for some accepting those who are different from us is just easier than it is for others.  There are those of us who are just naturally more patient.  There are even those who just seem to be naturally optimistic and happy.  Maybe they have an understanding or outlook on life that comes more naturally to them than to others.  The same goes for people who are naturally kind. Who is to say that all of those talents, which they undoubtedly are, are not their own genre of genius?  

I am not preaching a sermon here. I am as guilty as any.  My friends will tell you that I have often confessed to having a low tolerance for "stupid" people.  That is my mistake.  I need remember that they may understand some things or have the natural ability to do some things that I cannot grasp.

The inner workings of no two peoples' minds are identical, so how can one say that because your minds function differently, once person is a genius, and one is not? I am not putting down people who are gifted students.  Mathematic, Scientific, Literary, Political, Economical geniuses all have their place, and are 100% necessary to society. And there are those who are gifted in seemingly every area; those people are enormously blessed.  But, so many other people are necessary as well.  IQ may say something about how you function academically, and anyone who knows me knows that I believe in academics (seriously, you are talking to a first class nerd),  but are academics really everything when you are talking about a person's intellect?  Their genius may be different from yours, so you may not recognize it, but it is there.  Everyone has some gift.  We may not all be Rhodes Scholars, but that is just not our brand of brilliance.

Like.

So I know I have already blogged once tonight, but I just thought of something really cool.

I often wonder why we have free will.  I mess up so badly, and I know it pains God, and others too.  I know I am forgiven, but still.  I know God doesn't want robots, but I never quite saw what the good in is it for us.  What is the silver lining of living in the fallen world?  

It just sort of dawned on me as I was stretching before crawling into bed: If we never messed up terribly, we wouldn't fully comprehend our need for forgiveness.  And if we couldn't comprehend our need for forgiveness, then we couldn't even get a glimpse of how much God loves us.  We will never understand fully how much he loves us, but at least our knowledge of how vital forgiveness is in our own lives gives us an inkling of God's love.  And since we know that this tremendous love we are experiencing is only a tiny fraction of the love he has for us, it gives us an example of the love we should have for others, even those who have wronged us, hurt us, and disappointed us.  Often times we say that we don't have to like everyone, but we have to love them.  Well, I am struggling with that now.  We don't have to like their actions, God doesn't always like ours, but he does always not only love us, but he likes us.  He wants to be friends with us.  It is impossible for us to really like everyone, even if we do love them in that vague sense of the word, but we should nonetheless try to like everyone we come in contact with.  We must keep in mind that God made them, and therefore not only loves, but likes them every bit as much as he likes us.

Just a thought.

Consuming.

It has been one of those nights.  One of those nights that seems completely normal, and then something just hits you.  It isn't always clear what it is that hits you, but you can feel the difference.  After leaving my Wyldlife leader meeting for this week at The Church at Sandhurst, I spoke briefly with a friend, exchanging stories about our more gullible moments, got into my car, turned on my ipod, and drove off.  

The song I selected was one of my favorites, "From The Inside Out" by Hillsong.  It has really become a classic worship song in the past year, and it never fails to put me in a worshipful state of mind.  Tonight was no exception.  I was having an awesome worship service right there in my car.  It was just me and God, and it was incredible.  Today I had been thinking a lot about what I where I want to go to college, what I want to do, where I need to be in the long run...all things that I really have no need to worry over right now.  It just hit me on the way home while I was singing at the top of my lungs (and probably looking like an idiot to all those who saw me), that the future is not what needs to be my focus right now.  I just need to focus on living for and loving God from the inside out, and he will work out all the details as long as I stay within his will. The song also reminded me of my trip to Jamaica last summer, and set me off praying for the children there who I worked with.  I want to see God as I did there.  Lately I've had difficulty staying focussed on this, causing me to make huge mistakes.  I'm turning it over.  I want to be consumed like I was before.

The next song I listened to was another of my old favorites, "How Can I Keep From Singing," by Chris Tomlin.  That one has really always been my anthem.  I really can never stop singing, and when I stop and think about how truly amazing God is, I'm either speechless, teary, or begin sing uncontrollably.  Tonight was definitely the singing uncontrollably.  My father is so awesome.  I hope that I do not seem like a hypocrite, because I'm sure that some who read this could find so many flaws in my life to point out, and say that there is no way all of this really matters to me.  It does, I'm only human though.  I'm only a human who just had an unbelievable experience with her Father, and is praying to be consumed once more.

Ready.

Spring break has come to a close, and I am really dreading going to school tomorrow.  Ironically though, I spent a great deal of my break thinking of school exclusively.  This may sound boring or even depressing, but it was just the opposite. It was thrilling.  This is because that portion of my break was spent looking at colleges.  For me, that is incredibly exciting.  I am one hundred percent ready for that part of my life, minus a few high school credits.  

It is not that I hate high school or anything like that.  In fact, I have really enjoyed high school.  I like my school, and I love my friends.  I just, well, this is quite difficult to phrase.  I feel like I am on some kind of biological timer, and it is quite rapidly approaching the time when I am supposed to leave what I know, and go do my own thing.  I can feel it.  My own life is about to erupt out of me.  I love my home and the people in it, but I can't stay here forever.

This last year I have I am going to make the most of, but I feel certain that I will be rather antsy all year.  I am incredibly indecisive, so chances are I will not know where it is I will be starting this new chapter of my life called "college" until this time next year, but dear Lord am I ready.  I am not wishing my life away, and I am not hoping the year will speed up.  I have simply come to realize that if I were to wake up tomorrow and it magically be graduation day, it would be bittersweet, but I would be ready to embrace life. 

Impatient.

Prom has passed, Gala is out of the way, And Spring Break has now officially begun.  We are a pretty good ways into the fourth quarter of the year. Everyone has spring fever, and many of my friends have bad cases of senioritis.  

Part of having many friends with senioritis is having may friends who are seniors.  Part of having many friends who are seniors, is having many friends who will soon be graduating and leaving.  Since I am still a junior, I have another year left here in Florence, while many of my close friends get to go out and try their own thing.  I admit that I am quite jealous, and very impatient.  I know that I should value and cherish the time I have left in high school, but it is difficult when some of the people are part of my fondest high school memories will no longer be around to create more on a day to day basis.  I'm going to be fine, but I'm going to miss them a lot. I've come to accept that next year will be very different, but I really hope that my senior year will be as much fun as my friends in the class of '09, and I fully expect it to be.

Just Thinking...

Okay, so I really have not blogged in forever.  I was on a streak for a while where I had so much to say, but lately I haven't felt like I had a whole lot to share. I do have one thought for tonight though.

Sometimes, you are presented with an opportunity that you never expected.  You may or may not know in what direction your life will go if you pursue this opportunity, but I think you have to go with your gut.  People you are close to may advise you to stay away, and they may be right.  But I honestly believe if your gut is telling you to go for it and see what happens, then that is what you should do. As long as it is healthy, of course.  Obviously if your gut is telling you to do drugs and your friends warn you against it, then they are telling you the right thing and you should listen to them.  But, in general, I think it's a little bit like taking a multiple choice test.  You are always told when that when wavering between two answers, you should go with your first gut response. I most certainly have missed questions by over analyzing questions and changing my answer at the last second. So, even if the opportunity you pursue turns out negatively, I'm willing to bet that you learned something from it, and are probably a better person for it.  That's all. =]

The Rhythm of LIfe

I haven't written in a while, and I don't really have a lot to say tonight.

I'm just gonna go with I do not understand timing at all.  You might want something so badly for so long, and as soon as you give up on it, there it is. So inconvenient.  But, we learn to take everything in stride, and keep living life to the beat of it's peculiar rhythm.  It has no steady tempo. Sometimes it seems to have stopped altogether, and sometimes it seems impossible that it could change so fast.  It may seem to be following one pattern for a while, and then have an unexpected change.  As if some new time signature that we cannot recognize has been thrown in. But we keep marching along to the beat, as if we had a choice.  The only choice we have, is are we just simply going to march to they beat, or dance to the rhythm? 

Can't Sleep.

I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this one. Possibly and probably nowhere.  Reading this is more than likely a waste of your life. But I can't sleep, so I'm going to blog a little.

I have been sick all week. Nothing has changed there.  The two most constant symptoms are dizziness and sore throat. Everything else comes and goes.  A lot of people seem to be getting sick lately.  

So I've been lying on the couch a lot, too drained to really do anything.  I know, that sounds really pitiful.  I did discover about sixty episodes of Boy Meets World on YouTube today though, so that really made me happy. Wow, that is pathetic.

I really need to be sleeping now, but I can't.  I've had those thoughts people always get right before they go to bed.  Those thoughts we rarely talk about, the concerns about our friends, family, futures, people we don't want to forget, people who we feel have forgotten us, people we are afraid we've lost.  (I haven't been thinking about all of those tonight alone, just giving the general type of thought here.)  Then there's the crazy and illogical thoughts we get when we are really sleepy that make absolutely no sense.  Both types of thoughts have invaded my mind tonight, but I still can't sleep.  

I really hate being sick.

Oh, and my sister, Anna, is the funniest person on the planet. I adore her.

Up On The Mountain

This weekend was the long awaited, highly anticipated, Wyldlife trip to Windy Gap.  We all had a great time, and the camp is so beautiful.  I really felt like I was doing what God wanted me to.  I haven't felt that much within God's will in a long time.  I started feeling poorly though Saturday morning.  I assumed that my throat ache was just from screaming, and that my soreness had just come from the long bus ride. However, after waking up from a three hour nap on Karoline's bed, during which I could not stay warm for anything (again, I just assumed I was cold because of the mountains,) she felt my neck and said, "Girl you are sick." When I stood up I felt very dizzy and still very cold.  I went to the infirmary with Karoline and the nurse took my temperature, which registered at 102.  The nurse said we had to add a degree to that making it 103. Just lovely.

I was told it was best if I went home.  As much as I really hated to leave my girls and all the other leaders, I knew that was what I needed to do.  Fortunately for me, there was a seventh grader named Mills from Columbia who had the same symptoms, whose parents were already on their way, and they agreed to let me ride to Columbia with them and for my parents to meet us there.  This was such a blessing because it got me home about five hours earlier than if my parents had left when I called them at 4:30.  So, that was really a blessing from God.  Of course I hate that Mills was sick, but it was a blessing for me that the Carlton's were coming to get him.  They could not have been nicer people.

Despite all that, the time I did spend at Windy Gap was really incredible.  Like I said, I felt entirely within God's will.  I think it is no coincidence that we call things like that "Mountain Top Experiences."  I honestly think there is something about the mountains that helps bring us back to God.  Something about seeing the mighty things he can do.  The last time I felt that way I was in the mountains of Mandeville, Jamaica for a mission trip.  My youth minister had us right letters to ourselves at the end of the trip.  In mine I remember writing, "Though he may seem closer and bigger now, God is the same God he was before I got here to the mountains of Jamaica.  He has always been this big, and he will not be any smaller after I get home." 

I think it is sometimes harder to see how big he is at home.  It is our job to bring the "mountain top experience" home with us.  And even though they do not last forever, it is our job to remember how big God is all the time.

Good Days & Great Music =]

I don't really have much to blog about tonight, I just wanted to make a note that I am in a really good mood today.  It has just been one of those days that everything feels right and seems to be going my way.  On a scale of 1 to 10 I'd rate it as a 9. 

I also wanted to suggest that everyone check out Drake & Jonathan's, aka "Without Answer's" music page on Facebook. Also, if you still haven't listened to their newly recorded CD "Be The Change", you should really look into getting a copy.  I would listen to it even if I didn't know and love these guys.  They have God-Given talent and if you like acoustic stuff, you will really enjoy their CD.  "Caronline's Song," "Like A Wave," "That's Not It," and of course "Be The Change," are some of my favorites.  But really, the whole CD is great. So I dare you, check out the music on Facebook, and look into getting a CD.  If you would like a CD, please consider making a small donation to the "Drake & Jonathan Need To Go Back Into The Studio To Record Super Amazing New Music Fund." Of which, I am the new self-proclaimed spokesperson.  Thanks so much!

Check out Drake & Jonathan @ : http://www.facebook.com/pages/without-answer/91264210214

My Less-Stress Plan

I found out today from a very reliable source that some people actually read this.  I mean, I knew that one of my friends did, but I thought he was probably the only one.  I figured this blog was basically a series of letters written to him.  And as much fun as that could be, I am very excited to learn that other people are reading as well, and I hope I do not disappoint you.

I had a great talk with a close friend of mine tonight about unnecessary things that can add unwanted stress to your life.  Some habits that many high school students, or anyone for that matter, have just bring unnecessary drama upon them.  Personally, I am stressed enough as it is.  I already have school, Knight Edition, dance, church, babysitting multiple times a week, Wyldlife, various school clubs, not to mention my social life keeping me very busy.  I really don't have time for extra stress from pointless drama that can easily be avoided.

I'm pretty good at avoiding it for the most part.  I try to avoid situations that could create drama, or anything that I think could have negative consequences.  Of course I don't always succeed, but I think I'm pretty good about it.  So my goal for this week is to start cutting out anything that could potentially cause unnecessary drama in an attempt to create less stress. Let's see how it goes.

I hope this post made sense.  I was trying not to outright name specific names or habits.  I think you probably got the gist of it.

Letting Go, or Handing Over?

Sometimes it feels like you are losing people.  I am no stranger to this feeling.  I am a big fan of fighting against losing friends.  But there are a few friends that I think if I try to hold out any longer I will just lose them that much faster, and probably permanently.  Now, I have no idea if doing nothing will make the loss only temporary or not.  It may still be permanent.  But I do think that it is a safer move than hanging on.  

Because, hanging on would be like hanging on to a vapor.  They have already removed the friendship that was, and that was probably partially my fault as well, but regardless, what was is gone. What's left is not entirely empty, but it is so small compared to what was.  There is no point in clinging to a memory by putting so much effort into what is there now. It is tiring, and disappointing.  

I hope this person knows that I am going to be there for them still if they need me, though I seriously doubt they will call upon me for help.  I'm going to let go purely because it is healthy and they haven't really left me another choice, not because I want to.  If I had the choice, I would hang on as if letting go would make me fall to my death.  But that choice is not mine.  

"Just let go" is such a cliche phrase.  There is so much more to it than that, and it means different things to everyone.  I am no good at grasping the concept of letting go.  I'm trying to learn to just hand things, and people, over to God.  Somehow that seems more loyal than letting go.  In a way I feel like letting go of certain friends makes it appear that I don't care, and that is completely inaccurate.  Handing them over to God feels like a more loving way to go about it.  I still care, I have just accepted there is nothing I can do to keep them in my life. And as much as I love them, God loves them even more.  There is no kinder thing I can do for them than to hand them over to God.  Their affiliation with me is in God's hands.  

The reason I chose to blog about this, is because I think it will help me stick to my decision to leave it all to God.  I've said it and it's public,  even though the reader here has no clue who I'm referring to, well except a select few.  And even those of you who think you know who I am referring to, I think I know your guess, and if I'm correct then you are guessing wrong.  But even still, you have been informed of my decision and I'm going to stick to what I've told you.

I certainly hope that there will be a time when they are once again a significant part of my life, but now is not that time.  "But it's no victory, always running away like I do.  Always know that I'll come back to you.  Yes, always know that I'll come back to you."-Jack's Mannequin. 

For Michael =)

I dream.  I dream ridiculously real dreams that I still believe are real after I wake up.  Then I figure out bit by bit that they aren't within about five minutes.

Sometimes, this disappoints me.  I want to go back to sleep, and let things be the way they were in my dream.  But that is not reality.  It brings a whole new light to the term "wake up call." It is funny how consistent my dreams are.  My situation is the same in most of them, just the happenings are different from day to day, or I guess in this case night to night.  Kind of like real life. 

But, here is the exciting thing: my life is just as good as my dreams, if not better.  My life is in God's hands.  Whatever happens to me, he already has mapped out.  He works all things out for the good of those who love him. What a blessing.  And I have been given some amazing friends to help me along the way.  And if he has decided to give me very sweet dreams at night to keep me entertained, well who am I to complain?

 

MIAMI!!

Okay, so I can reveal the cause of my excitement now. Are you ready? Here it goes:

KNIGHT EDITION IS GOING TO MIAMI IN ONE MONTH!!!

And as if that isn't exciting enough in and of itself, get this: It is fully paid for.  The only thing I have to pay for is my food on the bus ride there and back.  Can you believe it, because I sure can't. 

This is how it happened: "A Style Above" is a designer based out of Miami.  They were scheduled to do a fashion show here in Florence, and came to watch Knight Edition rehearse last week to see if they wanted us to perform.  They said they were very impressed with our material, as well as our attitudes and manners.  However, they did not sell enough tickets to make doing a show in Florence profitable for them.  

So Mr. Davis called us out of 4th block to tell us that the fashion show had been canceled.  I thought, "Oh well, whatever."  Then he told us that the company's one year anniversary  is in a month, and that they are having a big celebration down in Miami, and wanted us to perform.  Needless to say that alone made my day, but when he told us that they had agreed to pay for our transportation, hotel, food, and we would be performing multiple times, I could barely contain myself.  I just sat there in my chair with my hand over my gaping mouth.  

The reason I could not explain yesterday was because some of the seniors in Knight Edition have early dismissal, so they did not get the news until today at our mall performance.  They too were shocked and thrilled.  Kristen Lawson was stomping and praising Jesus, as always. =)

On top of all of that, Grace Lewallen made All State Chorus, so she and Mr. Davis have to go to Rock Hill that weekend.  They will finish up on Saturday, and the rest of us will have already left on Friday.  This may appear to present a problem, but oh no.  The company has offered to FLY Grace and Mr. Davis to Miami. Can you believe it? 

I really just feel so blessed to have this opportunity.  I am really looking forward to bonding with my class again.  We went to Disney World in December, and that was an incredible trip.  However this time, we  are performing more, and going for FREE!! Mr. Davis told us this had never happened before.  I am so honored to be a part of Knight Edition right now. 

Can't Stop Smiling

At the current moment I am completely ecstatic.  I cannot explain why until tomorrow afternoon when all who are involved have been informed of the reason for my excitement, but I really cannot stop smiling! I received some ridiculously good news this afternoon that effects me and several people I am close to.  There really isn't much else I can say about without giving anything away...but I will definitely fill in the gaps tomorrow!

All afternoon I have been with Shannon, looking for a birthday present for our lovely little Lindsay! I am very excited about it, and am going to stop blogging now so that I can go to her birthday dinner.  I can't wait to explain my excitement tomorrow! =)

Here It Goes...

I've decided to start blogging.  Could I have waited until the morning to do so instead of starting at one o'clock in the morning? Yes, but that would defeat the purpose, which right now is to put off outlining my research paper for as long as possible.  I'm not quite sure if I like the title "High Wattage" just yet, so you'll have to let me know if you have any better ideas.  Another reason I've decided to create this blog is because Michael was talking about his today, and it really made me jealous.  

I know you hate for me to end this riveting entry into my newly-created blog so soon, but I suppose I should really outline that paper.  I'm writing about changes in fashion over the 20th century, as are about six other girls in my class.  I was going to do immigrants or something more unique, but it would have required much more energy, energy that I frankly don't have right now.